I have $45,000 less than I did 3 weeks ago. I finally peeked at my own personal numbers, having read the headlines for weeks, alerts in my inbox. Since I started working at age 16, bagging groceries at Safeway, I have been financially ultra-conservative, ridiculously frugal. For me, it's simply about spending less, not about stock portfolios and high-yield funds. I have squirreled away a healthy savings that way, with the addition of little certificates earning 3.5%. I have never cared that I could earn so much more, I prefer my old-fashioned method that requires no risk, fear.
Until 8 months ago. When I finally hired a financial planning team to gently guide me into the 21st century. Once a month for 3 months I sat with them and talked, and talked, and talked. We created mind maps and venn diagrams and charts and spreadsheets, dreaming, dreaming, scheming, plotting retirement, life span. In January I finally closed those certificates, paid penalties, transferred them to a new brokerage account along with a sizable amount of cash. I gave the team permission to invest.
At this current rate of decline I will be nearing $0 in two months.
Once I shared with a certain Spanish 3 class that looking at my bank account made me feel secure, safe. That when my life felt chaotic and confused, teetering in darkness and failure, I could look at those numbers and know that I could take care of myself, I wouldn't be homeless, I'd have enough to eat. It's one of few life accomplishments I take pride in, it's a core value, an anchor.
Now I'm drifting.
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